Famous Lipcolor Matte Lipstick

One shade, worn badly, forever. Blot with a napkin from somewhere nice.

Olive Oil Dispenser Bottle

Yes it's for the counter. No, I don't cook that much.

Perfectly Posted High-waisted Shorts

They wrinkle within nine minutes. That's not a flaw, that's the texture.

Hollow Gold Valentino Chain Anklet

Only works with a tan you don't have yet. Buy in April, wear in July.

Suva Raffia Woven Tote Bag

It sheds everywhere and holds nothing well. I've had four.

Toulouse Mini Dress Red Gingham

Gingham is doing a lot of work here and it knows it.